Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
