Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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