The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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