just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
