you mean i was at the winter classic?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
