omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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