I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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