Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
