I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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