I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
