first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it's great music for shaving your balls
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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