I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
