in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i think i just lost a toe
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
