i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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