saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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