Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
