Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
