I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
