she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
