One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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