covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
