Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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