Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
