Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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