I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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