Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
