he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
