david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
