it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
