I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
