it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
