Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
