Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
