another moral hangover. fuck.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
