I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
