I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
