GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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