It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My pussy is not your playground.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
