My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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