Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
