I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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