i think i have two assholes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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