Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
