I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is the high leading the old right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
