Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
