Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
