Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
