Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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