I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am available for nakedness
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
