Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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