Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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