she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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