I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
