so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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