There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
